She Breathes. She Flows. She Is.

‘Once upon a time’ or ‘ever after’ are meaningless for that which is eternally in a state of stillness, absorbed in oneness and permeated with love. But where I am, in this dimension, I feel trapped in this net of beginnings and ends. With this heart beating constantly, my prana flowing perennially, I am always making efforts to return to the Absolute; for there is not a single moment in which I have not felt myself drawn to it.

 

Here, in this dimension, where I am also alive as time and space, and as effort to prove my love to that which is love, I have also birthed Maya. Another wish, another desire, another dream, all causes for this illusion, causes for all that is created, for all that I am. ‘I’, in the form of myriad creatures, I am omnipresent and so is my desire in all that I am, to become what I am not, Stillness.

Every effort I am making to prove my love, to achieve that non-duality, that reality, is making me perceive and experience all this which is not real, as dual. 

I desire love but I am also hatred, I desire light, but I am also darkness, I desire oneness, but I am also this pain of separation, I desire liberation but I am a victim of bondage. My reflections, elements and senses that I attempt to conquer, delude me further. But am I not this delusion too? As long as I desire, my notion of ‘I’ will exist. 

I breathe, I flow and I remain in this state of forgetfulness. But in this NOW which is eternal, beginningless, endless, I will always find myself awake, absorbed in that which is Absolute. In this Stillness there is only absence of desire, absence of that which makes me Maya. There is only this remembrance of ‘who am I.’ Aware of this, I laugh and my reverberations further excite my desires. And I appear and reappear, in one dimension or the other. 

My consciousness, my breath, my warmth, my tears, my bosom which I perceive and experience as space, air, fire, water and earth, are all me, my energies. I become Kali, the destroyer of desires. But I am desire. I become Lakshmi, the bestower of wealth. But I am good fortune. I become Saraswati, the benefactor of wisdom. But I am wisdom. In reality…is there a difference?

 

To appease this ‘I’, I transform into Kali and make efforts to overcome a part of me, Tamas guna, which I now perceive as dark and unnecessary. Then I take form of Lakshmi to explore a part of me which is Rajasvic, as I deem myself deserving of good fortune and so I revel in all that pleases my senses. But I still find myself unfit for the Absolute. I then explore yet another form of me, Saraswati, that which is Sattvic, in an attempt to dedicate all my actions and thoughts, in full awareness and absolute devotion, to that which remains unshakable, that Stillness.

Amused by my own madness, I laugh, now louder! Let us say, I roar, for I now realise that in my state of delusion I am being all that which the Absolute isn’t. I am flowing. I am breathing. I am becoming, again and again. I rid myself of all that I gained, the wrath to destroy and end, the compassion to nurture and create, the spiritual knowledge and mysticism, which fortify this ‘I’, I simply stop identifying with these many states of confusion.    

I realise that even as I move, from one desire to another, from one life form to another, that Stillness is constant and remains as it is, Aware. The duality as perceived by me is the very cause of my forgetfulness. That is all I have to remember, this is all you have to remember, for you too are her and so am I.  

Art by Jyoti.

Yaa Devi Sarva-Bhutessu Chetanety-Abhidhiiyate |

Namas-Tasyai Namas-Tasyai Namas-Tasyai Namo Namah ||

To that Devi Who in All Beings is Reflected as Consciousness,

Salutations to Her, Salutations to Her, Salutations to Her, Salutations again & again.

OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTIHI…HARI OM TATSAT!